Tuesday, July 12, 2011


there is so much on my mind i feel like it's a huge weight on both my shoulder bearing down. im really not sure what to do, i wish god would give me a sign something, im just about ready to throw my hands in the air and say forget this. Spending the week with jimmy last week made me realize alot, made me really miss having a true relationship and having someone around. but i feel like my emotions are being toyed with sometimes, and i don't like that one bit. I pour my heart out, and i try to be myself, but it sometimes seems as like im not good enough. i don't know, i really don't know. stressing over it makes me so tired. i think i am really falling for him, but only falling for being disappointed and upset like always. i wish he would just put his big boy pants on and just stop feeding me the bs. even talking about it makes my heart race because i know i shouldn't be getting my heart involved. but it's way to late...
i wish he would just grab me and tell me, hey your my girl and i want everyone to know, i wanna be with you, and i wanna make you happy. but for some reason i feel as if that will never happen. i keep saying i want someone to love me, to make me happy, and to be there for me for the right reasons. i don't want to rush love, i want it to find me, but dang it sure would be nice to have it now. is this gods way of telling me that someone is coming for me, to just wait, that giving me heartache is only going to make me love stronger, and that he wants me to get my life situated before getting someone else involved in it?? im not sure but like i said i pray for him to give me a sign so i know so i can stop looking, so i can make my heat stop hurting.