Monday, June 20, 2011

is this what its suppose to be like?

sometimes its like i feel like giving up completely on everything, nothing ever goes the way you want it to or hoped it would go. and i know the reason why i am the person i am is becasue of my past, and i want so badly to change the person i am to be able to look foward to the future i am going to have. But i feel like i've been boxed in to a dead end road and can't find my way out. So i've decided to start changing my ways and how i approach every situation, and how i approach life.
I feel as if for me to provide my daughter with the life that she truly deserves i need to go back to school and get the education that is gonna allow me to excell and enjoy what i do 8-10 hours a day, because right now that is just not happening. Her father is no help at all, he hasn't even seen her since feburary, and he's not going to as far as i am concerned. All he ever did while we were together was use me, used me for a place to live, and a place to sleep, and be able to live comfortable and have everything that he wanted at the time. im glad he went to jail when he did i just wish he would have went sooner so i could have moved on with my life alot faster. But luckily i am doing that now, even though i am in debt from him pinching every dime he could out of me, im going to get back up on my feet in time. im just thankful for the parents that i have who have supported me and who have allowed me to come back home and given me and maddisyn a place to live. if it wasn't for them i don't know where i would be right now...
it's been really hard for me to trust again too, i feel like im wanting to rush myself to find someone who can truly make me happy. but all i really want to do is just fall in love. i wanna be the kinda love you see in the movies, i know sad right because when watch those movies i laugh because honestly i think to myself there really isn't anything like that out there...or is there? i guess i shouldn't rush it but damn't i want it now! like they say good things come to those who wait, i guess i better get to waiting.

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